your friends...

anyway... here is a good poem for you people who never attend adult svc... think about it. and check your own response to your friends here on earth... :

"MY FRIEND"
My Friend, I Stand In Judgement Now
And Feel That You're To Blame Somehow
On Earth I Walked with You Day By Day
And Never Did You Point The Way

You Knew The LORD In Truth And Glory
But Never Did You TellThe Story
My Knowledge Then Was Very Dim
You Could Have Led Me Safely ToHIM

Though We Lived Together On The Earth
You Never Told Me Of The Second Birth
And Now I Stand This Day Condemned
Because You Failed To Mention HIM

You Taught Me Many Things, That's True
I Called You Friend, I Trusted You
But I Learn Now That It's Too Late
You Could Have Kept Me From This Fate

We Walked By Day And Talked By Night
And Yet
You Showed Me Not The Light
You Let Me Live And Love And Die
You Knew
I'd Never Live On High

Yes, I Called you Friend In Life
And Trusted You Thru Joy And Strife
And Yet, On Coming To The End
I Cannot Now Call
You My Friend

[The Author Is Unknown]

i have a dream.

hmmm...

i wonder...

if a certain dream (or dreams) i had recently meant anything.

i dreamt that my muslim classmate was speaking to me, while we were going home frm sch.... and he said to me " i really very interested in christianity, i have been thinking about life issues, and stuff. ur religion really makes sense." and he went on to ask theological questions.

it did seem very very real!

though not the 1st, this was another of those dreams where i wake up, wondering if it's real or a dream.

this will make the "dreams-that-felt-so-real-and-spoke-to-me" list to 5.



and i wonder also if writing this post will put me in trouble also....

"... seems so far.... "

"... God, You seem so far away
a thousand miles or so each day..."

when i say i know what you mean by " God seems far away", i mean it.

but, as people always say... " who moved? you, or God", i know it's true also, that it is i.

why so?

cos recently ( or rather for the past whole month), this has been my spiritual life.

like i said in my previous post, i did nothing to remedy it.

i don't usually do this.

but can u pray for me?

addressing

was i blinded?

not literally.

but you know what i mean.

but.. blinded by what?

align="left">i still not sure myself.

was it the assignments, reports and tests (a great way to start the year) that were stressing me out?

was it a quarrel?

was it the fact that i am (and still) disappointed with myself, regarding issues yet to be addressed (and no... not the place of habitation) ?

was it tiredness?

numbness?

weariness?

was it cos i never set out to start what i had commited to do?

was it cos i have made some bloody wrong mistakes before?

why did i commit to this when i knew it would drain me?

why had i pressed on when people around me quitted?

why did i give up when everyone persevered?

what lies ahead for this ministry?

with figures of authority not setting THE example.

with no clear indication what is ahead.

with almost everyone outgoing or non-committed, or M.I.A.

while those FEW who remain.....

sigh

sigh

maybe my way of defence is to escape and not think about it.

or rationalise until things go in my favour.

talk about being in tune with God.

I wish i was.

like then.

or did it even happen?

i don't know.

i know where the problem is.

i know i gotta address these various issues of mine.

i know God has a plan for me.

i know this and that facts.

what do i do about it?

nothing.

in fact, gets worse.

but i am feeling better, as contrast to what you've just read at the top part of this entry. i was numb, tired, weary the past month. going thru day by day like an aimless scum wandering in the desert.... erm.. ok, not the best analogy to describe, but cant think of anything better.

i believe it's God's grace.

but it's time i REALLY stop taking His grace for granted.

and to also start to see His other aspects.

loving, caring, accepting,... the 'soft' side to God, and not only His graciousness and judgement.

someone recently pointed it
out to me........ ....... ....... .......

starting good... should finish good? right?

for me? no...

start good, finish lousy.

don't know what i am talking about?

neither do i.

oh, and a cliche for you:

"have a blessed new year ahead! i hope in the year ahead, you grow closer to HIM."

but... i really do mean it...