Monday, September 21, 2009

disappointed.

at how lousy i am as a cross cultural host.

that a good friend backed out of cf camp united 2009. really hoped he'll be blessed by the speaker and the camp. but oh wells. could b an act of grace.

that my life is in shambles and i am not doing anything.

that i am not doing things that i promised.

that i am NATO-ing still.

wonders when, my life will be ok.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

one year more part II

and this has to happen.

maybe it was just waiting , and ultimately inevitable.

and i guess this 4 months,
that she ran away,
my family has to go thru a tectonic shift like never before.

we can choose to action or nato.
the latter of which i have done for most of my lowly 21 years in this earth.

i'm falling apart..
i'm barely breathing...
cant remember the rest of the lyrics...

oh well.

ps56:3-4 is profound :)

Friday, September 11, 2009

one year more.

one year more.
half way mark.

i never really did dread NS, nor really so sian as to enlist,
it's has always been.. just do lor..

so now my half way mark in NS.
i am not really excited that i am one year closer to ORD,
neither am i truly wanting to stay on in SAF.

but i guess, i see the one year mark, the half way point.
macham the 1.2km turning point for ippt.

anyways.. :D
it really is a good time to reflect.
and analyse...

one year has come since i enlisted.
and i guess is just filled with memories.

and ns will be that. full of memories.

but will it be just that? A time full of memories, which doesnt count for nothing?
a time where we imitate our superiors' mannerisms and doing sai kang?

one year. has gone.
one year to go.
and its this 22 months that the friendships will be at its optimum.
cuz not much effort needed.
just need to book in and all the ppl are there.

is it a time that is so transient?
i wonder what will the friendships be after.

will it be like 99.2567819% of all my friendships? which wane after the event/thing/ns life/sch life/camp/service/ministry is over?

oh well. that takes extra efffort.

but what will it count for?
what if it's just a time of sai kang, playing with dogs, doing more sai kang, duty,watching superior's moods, duty, watching peers' moods, duty, watching juniors'moods, duty, watching my moods, duty, suaning aston, hearing rumours and gossips floating around, imitating superiors, watching the clouds go by, watching the DOS drive by (during duty of cuz), looking under the stars at rrad and at seletar (during duty of cuz), wasting time till book out time, sleeping when there's work to be done, sleeping when there's no work to be done, training a little bit just to clear the ippt, and doing even more sai kang, and (of cuz), duty?

which will most probably be, or rather, already is.

what will the frienships become?
what will the impact my batch and i leave?
what will the questions in ppl's heart go to?
what will people see my saviour thru me? unfortunately... sad to say.. oh well.

will ppl see christianity as a relshp than a religion?
will i start to smoke? and the reason i choose not to smoke goes beyond spoiling your lungs and govt, urm, discouragement, and it also goes beyond "i hate smokers" cuz so many of my friends, they smoke.
so do i hate them cuz they smoke?

anyways.
what will this time be?

how can ideals and reality crash into one fluid masterpiece drawn by the Master Artist Himself?
cuz it's His to do.

and i realise in the recent grad bs.. that when we proclaim or do bs..
we just want ppl to know Christ. like wad john 21 said.
not just to see His works, but to know Christ Himself.

whatever will be, will be.
controlled by Him.

one year more to right the things within me, and hope this time counts.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

another quote

Here, let it be said, that no two things are more essential to a spirit-filled life than
Bible-reading and secret prayer;

no two things more helpful to growth in grace;
to getting the largest joy out of a Christian life;
toward establishing one in the ways of eternal peace.

The neglect of these all-important duties,
presages leanness of soul,
loss of joy,
absence of peace,
dryness of spirit,
decay in all that pertains to spiritual life.

Neglecting these things paves the way for apostasy, and gives the EvilOne an advantage such as he is not likely to ignore.

Reading God's word regularly, and praying habitually in the secret place of the Most High puts one where he is absolutely safe from the attacks of the enemy of souls, and guarantees him salvation and final victory, through the overcoming power of the LAMB.

~E M Bounds, "the necessity of prayer"

Thursday, September 03, 2009

The Prison of Want

excerpt from Max Lucado's Travelling Light, pg 30-31

David has found the pasture where discontent goes to die. It's as if he is saying
"What I have in God
is greater than
what i don't have in life"

You think you and I could learn to say the same?

Think for just a moment about the things you own. Think about the house you have, the car you drive, the money you've saved. Think about the jewelry you;ve inherited and the stocks you've traded and the clothes you've purchased. Envision all your stuff, and let me remind you of two biblical truths.

Your stuff isn't yours. Ask any coroner. Ask any embalmer. Ask any funeral-home director. No one takes anything with him. When one of the wealthiest men in history, John D. Rockefeller, died, his accountant was asked, "How much did John D. leave?" The accountant's reply?
"All of it"

"Naked a man comes from his mother's womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labour that he can carry in his hand" (eccles 5:15 niv).

All that stuff- it's not yours. And you know what else about all that stuff?
it's not you.
Who you are has nothing to do with the clothes you wear or the car you drove. Jesus said, "Life is not defined by what you have, even when you have alot" (luke12:15msg).
Heaven does not know you as the fellow with the nice suit or the woman with the big house or the kid with the new bike. Heaven knows your heart. "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (1sam16:7niv)
When God looks at you, He may see your compassion, your devotion, your tenderness or quick mind, but he doesnt think of your things.

And when you think of you, you shouldn't either.Define yourself by your stuff, and you'll feel good when u have a lot and bad when you don't. Contentment comes when we can honestly say with Paul: "I have learnt to be satisfied with thing things i have... i know how to live when i am poor, and i know how to live when i have plenty (Phil4:11-12)

The Prison of Want