i hope...

..my future vocation won't be...

Really Pathetic

or i'll become a

Redundant Person.

i guess at the end of my ns, i'll see this whole time as

Really Precious.



Yes. i am an RP. Regimental Police. security guard. slack job. sian job. wish-i-could-have-your-job-kinda job. whatever you wanna call it...

is it a dream?
hmm...

i have my doubts...

work at everything to your best, nic.. as if God himself is your boss...
(i wonder where's the verse reference for this paraphrase)

still i see Your hand in control, Lord :)


and 2008 comes to a close. soon enough.



hopefully not with a

Radical Pumpkin.


ok.lame.

as time passes...

you'd get older.

(duh)

as time passes..
and as you grow day by day...

the want to be all alone, the temptation to isolate...

just increases.

the ability to be in any group,
even with trusted friends..

somehow become more difficult.

is this normal i wonder?


worship God at all times.

-end-

i wonder...

if i should be less reflective and just blehh out what's going on in my life...

seasons of life...



oh well..

sept12-dec9 2008
BMT... first phase of my NS life..
been so interesting... so many things to be thankful about..

Leopard coy...
welfare...
great friends..
great bunk mates..
friends from other platoons...
circumstances, which just makes life a lil less torturous than other coys which i hear.. are well.. just shiong..


so much to be thankful Lord..

i wonder ....

how much effort will i put into relationships that are my family and friendships?
how much effort will i put into life itself?
how much effort it will really take to even put in the effort?

i wonder...

what vocation will i be taking on?
where will God place me? now in ns, and after..
whether this, whether that..

i wonder..

what will the end of two years be like?



it'll be

beautiful. whether or not. it'll still be.

blog inspired mood...

though it doesn't mean i'll blog well...

interesting day hanging out with the peeps i missed so much. my cf siblings...
josh,lukekat, mich, leon in the afternoon,
luke, ian, eliza, and yufang in the evening...

it's just this sense of normalcy and the friendships forged too deep for any of us to let go.
still havent met with hq, and EugEm :P

but something yf shared on the way home stuck to me...
somebody said to her..

"i don't care about you, nor do i really wanna know you as a person...
but
i only care bout your spiritual health.."

superbly, doesnt really makes sense hor??
then i began to wonder...

that's prolly how i was (and could still be) thinking....
was i too caught up in doing the task, forgetting to make a friend with him rather than saw him as a person, needing friends too?
was i thinking that i'm too superior to him to be his friend and i have to meet him simply cuz i have to?

what about him who's isolated by his bunkmates? was i wanting to be friends with him simply cuz i hope he'll accept Christ?

not what my Lord will do, nic.

where is the love?
(starts singing....)


anyyyyywayyyyyssssss.....

so true lah.. how to be [insert holier-than-thou voice with ancient cathedral choir in the background]
"concerned for your spiritual health darling"
but totally unconcerned about the person and what's going on in his/her's life?



oh well...


seasons in life...
seasons in the sun...
seasons of people-ability lost...
seasons of isolation...
seasons of moodswings (never had such moods and mood swings in all my life...... guess there's always a first..)
seasons of intense doubt, of intense want to give up...

seasons of lemon tea, peach tea, apple tea, and some new promegranate tea flavour..

okkkkkk...


but through it all..
You carry me thru...
who am i?

trust.delight.commit..

i'll wait and see.

it's not about me. not about us. never was.never will be.

God.

only You can..
it's a journeeyyy.. (as kestcelest always says :P)

actually, i was blinded.. why could i not see?
You are at work Lord...

You are the Light.

oh well..
my eyes are closing...

shall...
as most times,

abruptly end here.

.






(mannn.. must stop this disconnected way of blogging and jumping all around... distracted heart.. haiz..)

the day after POP....

i think i lost all the training done during BMT in one wasted, meaningless, day eating and sitting in front of the comp idling.

idle minds make futile, emo grounds for the brain to overwork, and the emotions to over-react, and the guards of my heart, they keng and put their guard down......

just shows how inherently sinful, lazy i am...

was intending blog bout POP too. cuz everyone i knew (that was gg thru bmt la) was blogging too...

its strange... idling around felt so..
idle, so meaningless,

but yet... i was stuck.

time to take more effort in life, in friendships, in relationships...

waiting and seeing Your beautiful plan at it all, Lord.
You will carry us thru. Will You humble me daily?
Will You show me daily what it means to die to self, to follow You, and to take up Your cross.

Why do You still love me when You know how unloveable i really am...

Thank You my God....