another random boring post

why do we seek happiness and not joy?

why satisfaction not contentment?

why do we long for acceptance yet not accepting others?

why do we yearn for grace from our friends and yet not extend grace to those who are being sidelined?

why do we tell others to be righteous in this world, while we ourselves are double-minded?

we seek for romantic love, yet despise agape love.

why do we make sure we are busy, or addicted to whatever form of music, or even provoking others and say it is for Christ?

hmmmm.....

love Him = obey Him

last few nights were one of those where you are sooo tired, and exhausted. And you plonk yourself on the bed, and find that you cannot sleep.

so many issues.
so many thoughts.
so many burdens.
and one big thing which makes me sigh alot.

recently i had grappled with my feelings regarding something or someone. it was the same old cycle, and wadeva wadeva. confusion, ecstacy, etc.... all rolled into one. until it abruptly stopped, leaving me to wonder what the heck went wrong. and also at the same time, i felt Him asking me to let this go, for it may be distracting me and might even be an idol in my life.....

but did i?
no.. in fact i was so unwilling to give it up. even when i knew Matthew 11:28-30.
wrestling with Him is never easy. battle of wills. and throughout, i knew it was to test and refine me. to say it was difficult is an understatement.

still going thru this. and sighing.

do i love my God? because The Word says if i love Him, i obey Him. so many in fact.
John 14:15,21,23,24

sigh.

help.

do i love Him?

am i obeying Him?

HELP.

SIGH.

UNITY IS NEEDED!

guard your hearts.
don't let any conflict, quarrel etc... seep into us this year.
cuz disunity is going to be scary.

it will cause ppl to fight, and unforgiveness to grow.

hatred will breed.
and ppl will leave the church.

guard your hearts and pray that disunity does not strike in WEB, WG, family, friendships, ministries.......

pray hard.

God will intervene.

i am writing this, for i have felt that disunity have struck (literally) already. and if we're not careful, more conflicts will occur. more fights will cause ppl to hate each other. more immaturity will seep in. more ppl will leave the church because of conflicts. and of course give the excuse, "i am no longer coming back to church for some personal reason"

guard your hearts!!!

PRAY!

sigh.

what's going on???
laptop crashed. somehow my comp profile can't be excessed by the repairman, but can excess the other profile, which is not mine. (i share the laptop, you see...)

and with no net access at home (YUP!!! I STILL DON'T!!) i couldn't backup my stuff online....
tho now i also regret not burning all my files on CDs... sigh.....

then there's exam tmr. and me going in unprepared! that module is sooo hard to do sia.... and crap... never prepare at all! it's only 17 hours away! not a long time, you know....

and there's irrational thought due to erm, i-dunno-wad-the-heck-is-it-but-it-causes-people-to-do-stupid-things-in-the-spur-of-the-moment-and-of-course-think-irrationally-and-i-also-dunno-why-i-am-putting-everything-in-one-hyphenated-word-which-doesn't-make-sense....

hahahahaha...



anyway... good day to all... hahahahahaha

boring random post

different ones will have different definitons of what is a 'true friend'. is it one who is willing to be crazy with u? or is it the one who is willing to sit down, and listen to your struggles and rants?

sometimes, you can analyse people, and their character, when failure arrives.....
be it their failure or yours.

"huh? how can my failure see how my friend's character is???"

hmm... i might be wrong, but sometimes when you fail, or fall short of what has been expected of you, glance at how your friend will react...

will he/she encourage you and asks you to try again?
or laughs at you for making a fool of yourself?


in my view... true friends exhort one another...
not exalt. exhort.

that means must rebuke when your friend is going astray.

truth always hurts.
but it's that. it's the truth...

have we become so friendly that we've forgotten to be a friend?
there's a difference you know...


sigh, it's hard to think rationally when you're angry, disgusted, sad, betrayed, or even in love...

"Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?"

Here I Am Lord
~Dan Schutte


I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard My people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear My light to them?
Whom shall I send?


Chorus:
Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.


I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my peoples pain.
I have wept for love of them,
They turn away.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak My word to them,
Whom shall I send?
(Chorus)


I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them,
My hand will save
Finest bread I will provide,
Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give My life to them,
Whom shall I send?
(Chorus)

your friends...

anyway... here is a good poem for you people who never attend adult svc... think about it. and check your own response to your friends here on earth... :

"MY FRIEND"
My Friend, I Stand In Judgement Now
And Feel That You're To Blame Somehow
On Earth I Walked with You Day By Day
And Never Did You Point The Way

You Knew The LORD In Truth And Glory
But Never Did You TellThe Story
My Knowledge Then Was Very Dim
You Could Have Led Me Safely ToHIM

Though We Lived Together On The Earth
You Never Told Me Of The Second Birth
And Now I Stand This Day Condemned
Because You Failed To Mention HIM

You Taught Me Many Things, That's True
I Called You Friend, I Trusted You
But I Learn Now That It's Too Late
You Could Have Kept Me From This Fate

We Walked By Day And Talked By Night
And Yet
You Showed Me Not The Light
You Let Me Live And Love And Die
You Knew
I'd Never Live On High

Yes, I Called you Friend In Life
And Trusted You Thru Joy And Strife
And Yet, On Coming To The End
I Cannot Now Call
You My Friend

[The Author Is Unknown]

i have a dream.

hmmm...

i wonder...

if a certain dream (or dreams) i had recently meant anything.

i dreamt that my muslim classmate was speaking to me, while we were going home frm sch.... and he said to me " i really very interested in christianity, i have been thinking about life issues, and stuff. ur religion really makes sense." and he went on to ask theological questions.

it did seem very very real!

though not the 1st, this was another of those dreams where i wake up, wondering if it's real or a dream.

this will make the "dreams-that-felt-so-real-and-spoke-to-me" list to 5.



and i wonder also if writing this post will put me in trouble also....

"... seems so far.... "

"... God, You seem so far away
a thousand miles or so each day..."

when i say i know what you mean by " God seems far away", i mean it.

but, as people always say... " who moved? you, or God", i know it's true also, that it is i.

why so?

cos recently ( or rather for the past whole month), this has been my spiritual life.

like i said in my previous post, i did nothing to remedy it.

i don't usually do this.

but can u pray for me?

addressing

was i blinded?

not literally.

but you know what i mean.

but.. blinded by what?

align="left">i still not sure myself.

was it the assignments, reports and tests (a great way to start the year) that were stressing me out?

was it a quarrel?

was it the fact that i am (and still) disappointed with myself, regarding issues yet to be addressed (and no... not the place of habitation) ?

was it tiredness?

numbness?

weariness?

was it cos i never set out to start what i had commited to do?

was it cos i have made some bloody wrong mistakes before?

why did i commit to this when i knew it would drain me?

why had i pressed on when people around me quitted?

why did i give up when everyone persevered?

what lies ahead for this ministry?

with figures of authority not setting THE example.

with no clear indication what is ahead.

with almost everyone outgoing or non-committed, or M.I.A.

while those FEW who remain.....

sigh

sigh

maybe my way of defence is to escape and not think about it.

or rationalise until things go in my favour.

talk about being in tune with God.

I wish i was.

like then.

or did it even happen?

i don't know.

i know where the problem is.

i know i gotta address these various issues of mine.

i know God has a plan for me.

i know this and that facts.

what do i do about it?

nothing.

in fact, gets worse.

but i am feeling better, as contrast to what you've just read at the top part of this entry. i was numb, tired, weary the past month. going thru day by day like an aimless scum wandering in the desert.... erm.. ok, not the best analogy to describe, but cant think of anything better.

i believe it's God's grace.

but it's time i REALLY stop taking His grace for granted.

and to also start to see His other aspects.

loving, caring, accepting,... the 'soft' side to God, and not only His graciousness and judgement.

someone recently pointed it
out to me........ ....... ....... .......

starting good... should finish good? right?

for me? no...

start good, finish lousy.

don't know what i am talking about?

neither do i.

oh, and a cliche for you:

"have a blessed new year ahead! i hope in the year ahead, you grow closer to HIM."

but... i really do mean it...