Monday, December 27, 2010

27dec2010 breakthru retreat day 1 , BB yr 10

one of the least confusing post, this will be.

today is breakthru retreat day one at ECP.
ultimate frisbees, 12oclock, getting mini potted plants to wish ppl a merry christmas but it's over now, castles for barbie and ken, rain rain rain, and the hide-marble-throw-frisbee game which represents how we hide our treasures and sin from God, even though it is obviously exposed.

a great learning day and long time since i saw matt chu this kind of zhao.

maybe cuz being reintegrated in to young ppl ministry after like 3 years, need so much adjustment. there's so much WE wanna serve, and maybe cuz i didnt serve in chruch for 3 years, i have all these zany ideas. tho integrating into the circle of ideas juz can't seem to work out yet.

Nevermind, these aren't important. What's important is serving the LORD, and pointing others too.

juz read a post of hypocrisy of a christian colleague MIA-ing and encouraging others too. that could have been any single one of my ex colleagues in army.
no one liked me. could it be because of an integrity issue at the heart?
what u so called believe is not lived out. duh.

and went out with the BB guys.
it's been 10 years 10 years! since we were sec 1, and since we knew each other in BB.



http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs774.ash1/166490_10150104504400498_740760497_7900287_2478944_n.jpg

sthe last time i met some of them was in 2008. and that was not all of them cuz i missed some gatherings over the years.

most of us graduated in 2004 and 2005. but everyone seems to be going somewhere, at least a job, or a direction, even in ndu. i thought i did, but it's all so fuzzy once again!

Kenneth's a paralegal, James' a Sailing Coach, Wayne.. studying?, JT at SMU, JLiew is going to Aus to study at feb6, Sam is in NDU, but gonna study overseas too after ORD, so is ben. LYO's life is juz beginning, and going up up man.

let's hope the next gathering wont be when we get married or kids.

friendship is minstry. uncle muntoh was saying yesterday at mich's bday at sazeirya, that our purpose is to shine shine shine....

break my heart for what breaks Yours, so goes that certain Brooke Fraser song.
but when u do feel the breaking heart of God, then? feel emo as can be possible?

why am i doing so much church work?
to be honest, i'm wondering too.

God, be my 2011. be my future.
be the one that i decide to be practical and get a well paying job or do full time. God You'll see me thru the seasons.

Seeing the image of lostness will be etched in my mind. Lostness so professional, holding a cig, and so much the stereotype.
lostness, hiding emotional pain, and being bitter at love, for that hurts too much.

"i wanna feel again" goes bagteria. Abstract as it is, it does make sense. (the first part of the guy waving the flag is harder to understand though)

Lord, help us love CHRIST together.
DG has the heart. HE expands it.

goodnite and time to prepare for breakthru day 2.

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs560.ash2/148201_10150104500380498_740760497_7900156_6998587_n.jpg

Thursday, December 23, 2010

In Whom i can trust

In Whom i can trust
Steven Wee

C
You are the Lord
Dm7
in whom i can trust.
C/E F G
You are the rock I can stand upon
Am
Every step of the way,
E/C#
You take my hand and say
C/G D/F#
You will always be here right beside me
Dm7 F/G
When i call on you, i know You'll come to me



chorus:

G C G/B
You are my Lord
Am Em
in whom i can trust
F
You are my fortress
C/E
You're my deliverer
Bb
My shield,
F/G
My strength
G C G/B
For all of my days,
Am G D/F#
i place my hope in Jesus
Dm7
WHo loved me with His life
G
The ROCK of my salvation
C
In Whom i can trust

Friday, December 17, 2010

this answers my qn somewhat.

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/ask-pastor-john/what-made-it-ok-for-god-to-kill-women-and-children-in-the-old-testament

it's high time for some reflection

the value of blogging is that there is an audience to read, imagined or not. compared to journalling, where its utter personal territory.

so there.. ppl be wise in what u type. it shows how wise or unwise u are...

anyways, i need to force myself to reflect. i begin to see how it's a 'discipline'.

how much am i willing to forgo for the sake of The Christ? Xinyi coming back from aussie, wow, so much reflections. of all places, she says in aussie, Christians are really persecuted. there is actually a cost involved to say u are a christian.

and could it be that our inaction as individual christians and corporately reflect our convictions? too many christians are stuck in this "know more than u do" syndrome. why is it we are the most significant grp of ppl who don't do what we know?

action action action.
christianity has alot of action involved.

but maybe we reflect too much.
and do too little.
ironically, in doing more, we have deeper reflections. a good thing.

so Lord help us do as much as we believe.

maybe there is no cost per se to believe in Christ here in SG. officially we can reach like 20% christianity.
but hey, this is like THE time to really believe, cuz there IS freedom. i'm not really into academic debates how little freedom there is here, but yea, maybe in my bubble, i think there is. good times are blessings. bad times are blessings if we do see it as so.

..."in the good times and bad times, i'll trust in Him, He is my strong protector and shelter. Power belongs to Him, my God, and my solid rock, my heavenly Father!
my hope it comes from God alone, in Him will i depend. His constant love will be my protection, i will never be shaken..."

song for SUPA camp this year. Solid rock was the theme, and this simple song with its actions is so ministering.

Kidz camp ministers so much
in the simplicity God is profound.

amazing thing that SUPA camp does is that it doesnt bother to dumb down the bible for the kids. they have to read and memorise ESV. thats solid stuff. but they contextualise they lesson so that they are engaged and they remember.

Maybe thats mission? Engaging, Contextualising so they will remember the Christ.
imagine preaching gospel using Santa Claus?
a mentor figure of mine did. MT says he only knows Christ and the bible. so contextualise. tell them what is true from what is familiar to them.

imagine in a mission field where that culture sacrifices pigs to the deities. imagine a missionary using that to explain Christ the sacrifice. Taboo? maybe? to Jews and Muslims definitely.
but what if Christ is preached? we don't know the work that The Sovereign can do.

so maybe, just maybe, pushing down stuff like "cuz the bible said so" doesnt make sense.

contextualising takes very much a whole lot of effort. it involves u knowing the bible.

but hey, it's high time for some action too.
all these ideas we always moot, never come to pass, cuz no one dares to step up and do it.
we end up focussing on admin stuff and managing ppl and church, rather than engaging.

oh well.
action + faith + The Word.

move on.

my buddy has been rebuking much about it for quite some time. years. "it's not what u think u can do, but what u can really offer and do."
only God can empower me.

Christabel, my co leader from SU youth camp was reflecting to me abt how during the ropes course, we were like shaking like jelly, but we still had to take that step. so faith comes as i step out
not juz praying bout it, highly necessary as that is.

God help us.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

good stuff.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=474158099491&comments

liberating.

tasting the good stuff

will make u wish there were more.
but good stuff comes in moderation.

tasting the good stuff, you will wish for it again and again.
people forget, i hope i won't.
they have tasted it before.. and when they do forget, it appears as something so deprived and twisted.

it's all because they have tasted good stuff before, and all their being is longing for it all over again.

maybe the devil tries to help us forget the good stuff.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

a home?

ppl remember war soldiers.
who soldiers the cause of the homeless?
ppl remember dead war heroes.
who remembers the alive homeless?

a home?

not bad stuff

http://www.excelpoint.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/13th-June-2010_Ps-Sam-Phun.mp3

ps sam is a man whose ministry is really interesting. went to his church b4. and it's evangelical and charismatic at the same time. challenging person, cuz he is so friendly and so streetwise. wish there were more ps sams.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

picassa test


 



makes a good background!

oh and i will have a iMac soon! heh heh...
tho i wonder will it be worth it....
Posted by Picasa

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Devo 18june2010.

Psalm 94:17-19
Unless the LORD had given me help, i would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When i said, "my foot is slipping", Your love, o Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

it's time to....

isolate.

At least for awhile.


(note to future self:
Idle-otory is countered by meaningful busyness. Gotta have some doing to prove your being)

Friday, June 18, 2010

eulogy.

will you say the things you are gossipping about your colleagues in his eulogy?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

being a loner.....

.... Ain't so bad.

But it ain't so good either.

(i'm thankful that i don't need to be one)

Monday, May 10, 2010

john15:12

"salvation is nothing but love conquering and entering into us. We have just as much of salvation as we have of love. Full salvation is perfect love. ...

See tt u obey this commandment. (john15:12)...

Let your life and conduct be the sacrifice of love - give yourself up to think of their sins or their needs. Intercede for them, help and serve them (ie fellow believers )
The life Christ lives in you is love; let the life in which you live it out be all love. ...

Is it all possible to thus live and love? My answer is: Christ commands it; you must obey. Christ means it; you must obey, or you cannot abide in His love."
~andrew murray on john 15:12, "the true vine"

Awesome stuff la...
Man it's tough to type this on my phone during duty rest.....

Sunday, April 11, 2010

communal love?

are my notions of phileo love so abstract no one understands?
i probably am wrong when such a thing happens.

in genuine crises, artificial harmony will fade.

learning to love in a community requires effort and lots of dying of self.
all of them all.
brokenness needs to be done.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so can there be such thing as peer lead?
thru loving those u lead lor.

ohwell.
taxing day.

byes

Saturday, April 10, 2010

"serve with the heart of a king, rule with the heart of a servant." [another random post]

got this quote from a certain significant someone who got it from a certain significant figure in the judiciary who is also a significant figure in the worship ministry :)

i have no idea and no depth of what it actually means nor concur with it. yet.
one day i will i guess.

recently i have been hearing about men (including the one mentioned above) who are leaders, ministry leaders, and ppl who have that heart factor praying that we come to the point of helplessness. so we can go on our knees.
will that time come sooner or later?
will that time force me to go on my knees?
or just go on my fees.

can there be such a thing as forgetting HOW to pray?
or is it juz a hardening of the heart factor and a choice not to be disciplined in the things which once enthralled our young junior faith.

things are only beginning.
the very things that inspired, like student ministry, is beginning to look daunting.
life issues are at the worse, and friendships have never been so strained.
do we sacrifice friendships that were built over so long over differences in leadership style?
i am sorry brother. it is an unfortunate turn of events, and a pitiful way things are unfolding after 9years.

i am sorry.

with all the forces of life pulling with one kind of relationship pulling over another kind. staying firm in brotherhood becomes a chore.
maybe leaders see differently. seeing how two certain cgls and their acgls becoming so jaded with all the indefinite changes and neverending transitions.

man. its saddening stuff man.
and the contrast is especially greater when i grew in a ministry that has challenged my view of christian ministry itself.
in fact if you look at Christ in the bible hor, the way He does stuff, it is really a kind of thing which challenges worldviews.

and i guess that is what we should live and love as. to challenge ourselves and those close to us and those in our influence. to challenge existing worldviews that may not be the fullest.

and herein comes another question. what if i cant lead as those who inspired and mentored me? i realise some of my greatest mentors aren't those who sit down with me and do a million page bs, but those whose lives are the million pages if the lifelong bs they had done and then lived out.

and that is true belief.
"Believe comes with courage, courage comes with passion, passion comes with conviction and conviction comes with a relationship." ~fuji

hope to come to that point where it becomes real..

it is discouraging to see more and more of my friends i grew up in youth, who lead bs and lead worship now leading a life that is aimless and confused of the gospel. man. why should i be surprised? even those who once had theo studies are now more concerned about fame or holidays.

do we need 20 years to turn nominal?
no it juz happens in an instant. it happens in the instant when we have chosen the way that is not The way.

so i guess lets not look at this person or that, and see that his "youthful passion sure will bring him far", or go like "wah that girl staffworker so solid one". you'll never know. the most ok one can be the most distant one.

so is it a duty when u see a brother and/or sister who seems to be fine, but something tells u some Something is eroding away. that zest, that love, that heart factor is losing it. so is it our duty if your good friend is headed for a life that is more concerned with enjoying rather than giving?
i would want my friends to do so when the day comes for me when i forget my Lord. i would want my friends to press on and perservere in the day when i refuse to hear, refuse to step out of my double lifestyle or a lipservice devo.
will i be that friend?

walk with Jesus daily.
God help us to.

"serve with the heart of a king, rule with the heart of a servant." [another random post]

got this quote from a certain significant someone who got it from a certain significant figure in the judiciary who is also a significant figure in the worship ministry :)

i have no idea and no depth of what it actually means nor concur with it. yet.
one day i will i guess.

recently i have been hearing about men (including the one mentioned above) who are leaders, ministry leaders, and ppl who have that heart factor praying that we come to the point of helplessness. so we can go on our knees.
will that time come sooner or later?
will that time force me to go on my knees?
or just go on my fees.

can there be such a thing as forgetting HOW to pray?
or is it juz a hardening of the heart factor and a choice not to be disciplined in the things which once enthralled our young junior faith.

things are only beginning.
the very things that inspired, like student ministry, is beginning to look daunting.
life issues are at the worse, and friendships have never been so strained.
do we sacrifice friendships that were built over so long over differences in leadership style?
i am sorry brother. it is an unfortunate turn of events, and a pitiful way things are unfolding after 9years.

i am sorry.

with all the forces of life pulling with one kind of relationship pulling over another kind. staying firm in brotherhood becomes a chore.
maybe leaders see differently. seeing how two certain cgls and their acgls becoming so jaded with all the indefinite changes and neverending transitions.

man. its saddening stuff man.
and the contrast is especially greater when i grew in a ministry that has challenged my view of christian ministry itself.
in fact if you look at Christ in the bible hor, the way He does stuff, it is really a kind of thing which challenges worldviews.

and i guess that is what we should live and love as. to challenge ourselves and those close to us and those in our influence. to challenge existing worldviews that may not be the fullest.

and herein comes another question. what if i cant lead as those who inspired and mentored me? i realise some of my greatest mentors aren't those who sit down with me and do a million page bs, but those whose lives are the million pages if the lifelong bs they had done and then lived out.

and that is true belief.
"Believe comes with courage, courage comes with passion, passion comes with conviction and conviction comes with a relationship." ~fuji

hope to come to that point where it becomes real..

it is discouraging to see more and more of my friends i grew up in youth, who lead bs and lead worship now leading a life that is aimless and confused of the gospel. man. why should i be surprised? even those who once had theo studies are now more concerned about fame or holidays.

do we need 20 years to turn nominal?
no it juz happens in an instant. it happens in the instant when we have chosen the way that is not The way.

so i guess lets not look at this person or that, and see that his "youthful passion sure will bring him far", or go like "wah that girl staffworker so solid one". you'll never know. the most ok one can be the most distant one.

so is it a duty when u see a brother and/or sister who seems to be fine, but something tells u some Something is eroding away. that zest, that love, that heart factor is losing it. so is it our duty if your good friend is headed for a life that is more concerned with enjoying rather than giving?
i would want my friends to do so when the day comes for me when i forget my Lord. i would want my friends to press on and perservere in the day when i refuse to hear, refuse to step out of my double lifestyle or a lipservice devo.
will i be that friend?

walk with Jesus daily.
God help us to.

"serve with the heart of a king, rule with the heart of a servant." [another random post]

got this quote from a certain significant someone who got it from a certain significant figure in the judiciary who is also a significant figure in the worship ministry :)

i have no idea and no depth of what it actually means nor concur with it. yet.
one day i will i guess.

recently i have been hearing about men (including the one mentioned above) who are leaders, ministry leaders, and ppl who have that heart factor praying that we come to the point of helplessness. so we can go on our knees.
will that time come sooner or later?
will that time force me to go on my knees?
or just go on my fees.

can there be such a thing as forgetting HOW to pray?
or is it juz a hardening of the heart factor and a choice not to be disciplined in the things which once enthralled our young junior faith.

things are only beginning.
the very things that inspired, like student ministry, is beginning to look daunting.
life issues are at the worse, and friendships have never been so strained.
do we sacrifice friendships that were built over so long over differences in leadership style?
i am sorry brother. it is an unfortunate turn of events, and a pitiful way things are unfolding after 9years.

i am sorry.

with all the forces of life pulling with one kind of relationship pulling over another kind. staying firm in brotherhood becomes a chore.
maybe leaders see differently. seeing how two certain cgls and their acgls becoming so jaded with all the indefinite changes and neverending transitions.

man. its saddening stuff man.
and the contrast is especially greater when i grew in a ministry that has challenged my view of christian ministry itself.
in fact if you look at Christ in the bible hor, the way He does stuff, it is really a kind of thing which challenges worldviews.

and i guess that is what we should live and love as. to challenge ourselves and those close to us and those in our influence. to challenge existing worldviews that may not be the fullest.

and herein comes another question. what if i cant lead as those who inspired and mentored me? i realise some of my greatest mentors aren't those who sit down with me and do a million page bs, but those whose lives are the million pages if the lifelong bs they had done and then lived out.

and that is true belief.
"Believe comes with courage, courage comes with passion, passion comes with conviction and conviction comes with a relationship." ~fuji

hope to come to that point where it becomes real..

it is discouraging to see more and more of my friends i grew up in youth, who lead bs and lead worship now leading a life that is aimless and confused of the gospel. man. why should i be surprised? even those who once had theo studies are now more concerned about fame or holidays.

do we need 20 years to turn nominal?
no it juz happens in an instant. it happens in the instant when we have chosen the way that is not The way.

so i guess lets not look at this person or that, and see that his "youthful passion sure will bring him far", or go like "wah that girl staffworker so solid one". you'll never know. the most ok one can be the most distant one.

so is it a duty when u see a brother and/or sister who seems to be fine, but something tells u some Something is eroding away. that zest, that love, that heart factor is losing it. so is it our duty if your good friend is headed for a life that is more concerned with enjoying rather than giving?
i would want my friends to do so when the day comes for me when i forget my Lord. i would want my friends to press on and perservere in the day when i refuse to hear, refuse to step out of my double lifestyle or a lipservice devo.
will i be that friend?

walk with Jesus daily.
God help us to.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

nic, you are such a...

...loser.

Wake up your idea. Stop living in your own impractical world. You are such an ass.

God help. Help me desire and do change. Not just want you to help.

This loser wants to blog this for posterity, hoping it'll be a defining period.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

booking in..

after 2 straight days of being with brothers and sisters of the same mind, being rejuvinated of the exciting end goal of ministry, and seeing where things begin to fit,
Is really sian.

God, where do i fit now? Grant us this servant heart, and a passion of Your child knowing His father's will.

Serving in this is exciting. And it is getting even more so.
Time for ego to be thrown out.
Time for insecurities to be crossed.
Time to stop being distant and risk being involved with people :)

2010 has been an enormously impactful year. Things are moving on. And i thank You Lord!

Two books to recommend..
-the true vine by andrew murray.
Still reading. A devotional of john 15. To abide!
-emerging culture by jimmy long.
Haven't read. Haven't got :p
But still recommending! :P haha! Good for leaders, or basically anyone in any ministry with people younger than 30. We need to have great tectonic paradigmic humungous change how we serve cuz of emerging culture.
On 2nd thoughts, not so hard. Cuz we're the emerging culture. Postmodern in cheemer academic terms.
Juz have to forgo certain styles of ministry which is what we are used to.

Esp with ministry involving people. Young people..

Exciting times!
Things are stabilizing..
But yet hor.. Good times and comfort zone times are but training times.. Macham sispec or ocs or some random course people go to go after bmt.
And like life, you realised the training you receive, don't really apply to the real stuff in whatever unit you're in.... Unless of course you're a driver or diver or just damn blur.
Crap. Digressed.
Anyway i was saying.
Good times are training times cuz prolly what comes next is a damn shiong time in life or ministry, and what has been given must be blessed to others, and applied when things screw up in life..

Challenging two days.
Long to see what happens next and what choices happen.

Never been more excited about both ministry and what lies ahead..
Though cost must be paid.

Don't waste your friggin life in the rat race chasing useless qualifications or some high paying but useless job.. Someone wise said that after winning the rat race....

you're still a rat.

Friday, February 26, 2010

for posterity's sake.

my friend is confined in camp as he's punished with sol..
And he told the whole world on fb, to 'shh, leaving camp w no one ard heehee'.

One day this is the kind of stuff to tell your grandkids not to do.