little by little by....

change.

little by little by..
step at a time!
it's better than having it, one shot a time..
little by little by,
i want to say hi(?!)
come into my life and clear it all up.


[heh... now that song (the original one) is stuck in my head :P ]

a disappointing sem

i guess, it was just entropy.
a lazy, slothful, ill-disciplined streak since young that turned into a lifestyle. and it's no one's fault but mine.

tho of course, the tendency is that i tend to grumble and blame my environment, upbringing etc etc etc... but i guess.. at the far back end of our minds.. we can complain all we want, but that rational logical part that's still left, says "is it? really?? u sure?"

gah...
i'm so disappointed. but. i chose not to do anything bout it.

in fact it got worst as the sem proceeded.
grades got worse. studying durations got shorter. stewardships of time and money got worse.

and if this goes on, it will only get worse.

and that's an understatement i suppose...

and the ironic thing is that, i started off this sem reading proverbs. where there are many proverbs about sloths and laziness and ill-discipline and nuahness.

and i took it as a warning.
but.

oh wells.

and right now as the sem closes before the exams... i've pissed my pract teammates off cuz of my own incompetencies, and ill-discipline.

what a great testimony. esp when ppl know i am a so-called 'active christian'. and esp when ppl know what my ministry (or for them, my cca) in sch is rite now.

esp this esp that.

and it brings it a few steps back.
it brings more potholes for people to poke and discredit our God. it gives them something to say against.

oh wells. if it's like that now.. i wonder how it will be when i work.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just a random thing:

sacrifices to be made.
that's when you really question yourself. are you willing to sacrifice time at a weird time for someone you don't really know yet.
we ask for friends who will be there for us... i guess i'm far far far from that friend. i am willing. but there are buts.


oh wells. a world where we are all fishmongers. or fishermen's friend for that matter.

we sell fish.

ironic isn't it? we sell fish, but we're all called to be fishers of men.

hmm.
for the really blur: sell fish = selfish

cf. thanksgiving. 06

year 2 has come and is coming to an end real soon. yea its weird.
the year ends when the year starts.

the academic year lah.

which means that dreaded, dreary cycle of exams and mugging, and etcetera.

and it also means, i will be senior. i will be year 3 in a few months time. and it means the current year 3s are graduating
duh right?? :P

had our last cf of yr06/07 just hours ago...
and it's the last cf of two dear sisters. yan sing and yufang...

haha.. guess we will all miss them... oh wells. so glad to have known you gals.

and of course suan-ing you all ;P hahhaa.. hey.. i'm not the most guilty right? :D:D:D:D

ah wells.
the 2 of you! if you ever read this... thanks for the memories of 2006.
indeed our God has been so good this... erm, last year (i must update myself mannn!!!)

through out 06, from the beginning, God has been just so good, so faithful, as He has always been and will be... so so amazing...
i'm just so glad i'm part of all these, and His work.

just to mention a few:

let's start from the beginning of acad yr 06/07...
basically the whole PCF had so few people (around 10 people from 3 language ministries combined) before the year started.
but.. in my whole time in SP, i never realised it could have been one of the more happening cf times...

we prayed. and God answered. He's cool i tell you. (though it may sound that i'm some holey moley waste canal. cant be bothered with what people think really.)
among the many was that, we prayed for musicians, at least 1, and we got 4.
and we prayed for people who wants to really serve Him through CF, and be called and committed. and we got an overly-enthu guy. ;P hahhahahha...

there was enrolment and cca booth. and we got soo many names. didn't do much.
but i guess it was an encouragement to us. even NPCF. they had 3 members left. and now God has answered their prayers too!

but i guess what was the whole highlight of the beginning of the year, was our welcome tea. sooo many people came (of course not many stayed on, but still....) it was truly amazing, since before that the 3subministries never really did interact that much. but 06 changed that... we had a camp.

that camp.. whoa... so much provisions. from basic things, to even the budget.
from a deficit to a surplus leh!!!

oh wells.. many more...

hmm don't we all have stories to share about His faithfulness even in our own lives and ministries? but more often than not, when we plan stuff, we worry like siao trying to see if it will work out, or if even WE can or not. and we totally forget all His blessings.and we go thru lives worrying, and living without even a consideration that He can do it again.

we just forget.

anyways.. just wanted to blog and share this only cuz... it's the last cf day for 06/07.

07/08 would mean something different i guess. and i guess more of His goodness. His faithfulness, in our faithlessness.

yea as i was saying, those 2 sisters... thanks for everything!
oh wells. typing a post here would actually do injustice to what i have to say to you gals... so.. haha.. u readers will just know i am quite thankful.

(actually the real reason is that i am tired and i dowan to type so much anymore :P:P hahhahahhaha oops ;D )

oh wells.

07/08.

Lord.. You will show Yourself so true once again i'm sure. And You will do something in-us-through-us to the campus.
I know You will Lord.



hey those people waiting for Os results, intending to go poly or u got posted to poly after ur Os results..
and yea, i am talking to you people like Jan, Erika, Denis, Nicole Ding, you all lah...

do consider joining us on this journey, whichever poly u go.
consider only lah, wont push you to join us, cuz ultimately (i believe) it's He who calls us to whereever He wants us to be in, and to serve.



haha.. anyways. my mind is getting fizzed.
chain of thoughts getting random.


i'm thankful.
=)

pride

more of Him.

Seek His Kingdom first.

obey.



that's all i wanna say... Once again... or rather.. this time.. really cannot be mistaken. the events, the sermons, the exhortations, and my own reflections and struggles. even the people around me day after day.

all on pride.

on a different aspect of it though, for me... an aspect of pride i never really took seriously.

still trying to articulate it in my mind what it is actually. wellsss.

pride seems like it has the dubious honour of being that sin that's so insidious, you won't even know u are sinning.

oh wells.



a gd closure to certain qns in my mind in today's senior web meeting. and another message from Him to me.

guarding my heart...

from heart attack? haha scared kena deathnote ah.. :P hahah jk.(hor zeph?)

from pride.

fri's dawn prayer msg, and sun's msg were both timely.
though timely in a different sense.


fri:

of comparison.
my security isn't on the right place at times.
why do i even place so much emphasis on friendship?

only God put things right. He is indeed our security.
a very fine security. and that's an understatement! :D


sun:

guard hearts.
against fear and pride.

when things go well and/or better than you expected.
i sense pride wanting to visit me bigg time this year. this academic year 07/08.
and it may be in that ministry i am serving at.
i guess sunday was a timely warning. a warning before everything starts.
and if i am called and chosen, i suppose.. these are the exact two issues i would face.
fear. pride.


GOD, be God and Lord.



oh wells. it's at the beginning of the year. before it all starts.

nic of the future... i wonder what you'll (me lah) be thankful for when everything's over. will you (i) fall to myself? my own pride?

position does not allow us to be proud.
but i suppose, if i do get called and get chosen, it will be a burden. spiritual burden, to pray for it. and for right decisions.

i'd rather not actually, lest it becomes all about me.
my decisions, my this my that.
and i will feel gd bout it only cuz that in worldly terms, it looks gd.
something to do with furniture lah. stools or tables or maybe even chairs... :P:P:P :D hahaha... anyways.

oh wells, i shall wait till all is finalised. again, lest i get too carried away like it's already happened.
if i get excited about it, i am only opening the door to pride, and his cousins and relatives, and siblings to have lunch (not tea =D ) with me.

new lessons to be learnt this year i guess!
it will never end man.
and maybe some revisions on past lessons!! hahaa...

heh, life's really like school.
School of Rose Growing maybe??

beautiful times of roses, and thorny times of, erm, thorns? ;P but our 'gardener' is Him!

oh wells.
hey my fellow classmates!

12th day of christmas

heh.. since nic (nicole ang) pointed out that today is the 12th day of christmas.. here's a classic joke. hahhaa....

My dearest darling Edward, Dec 25

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet
partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an
enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank
you.

Your deeply loving Emily.




Beloved Edward, Dec 26

The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing
away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and
grateful!
With undying love, as always, Emily.




My darling Edward, Dec 27

You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought
of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all
the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops,
but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank you so much;
they're lovely.
Your devoted Emily.




Dearest Edward, Dec 28
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning.
They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly -
they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect
they'll calm down when they get used to their new home.
Anyway, I'm very grateful, of course I am.
Love from Emily.




Dearest Edward, Dec 29
The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold
rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A
really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which
do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived
yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I'm afraid
none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants
to use the rings to "wring" their necks. Mother has such a
sense of humor. This time she's only joking, I think, but I
do know what she means. Still, I love the rings.
Bless you, Emily.




Dear Edward, Dec 30
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door
this morning, it certainly wasn't six socking great geese
laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that
you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them,
and they've already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant
well, but let's call a halt, shall we?
Love, Emily.




Edward, Dec 31
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to
find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our
tiny goldfish pond. I'd rather not think what's happened to
the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to
say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please,
please, stop! Your Emily.




Jan 1
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight
milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If
so, I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing.
Emily.




Look here, Edward, Jan 2
This has gone far enough. You say you're sending me nine
ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they
dance, they're certainly not ladies. The village just isn't
accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragos, with
nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and
it's Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our
friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this
ridiculous behavior at once!
Emily.




Jan 3
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing
up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the
geese and the swans and the cows got at it. And several of
them, I have just noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties
with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbors are trying to
have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
Emily.





Jan 4
This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The
place has now become something between a menagerie and a
madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it
unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this
last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an
ambulance. I hope you're satisfied.




Jan 5
Sir,
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you
that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of
the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony
Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course
left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you
importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the
return of much assorted livestock.
I am, Sir, yours faithfully,
G. Creep Attorney at law.

:D

for the sake of posting a new year's post.

yea.. u can call me conformist.

hahaha.. posting just for the sake of it.


oh well. this question strikes me again.
"where does my security lie?"

where does yours?

it strikes me again and again.
and the answers are similar... though slightly different each time...

cuz we change slightly every year.

friends? acceptance?

can people forget a friendship they once had? oh well... yea.
i guess at times in life, there are times when the friends we once had, the next moment can forget you existed in the first place.

i guess the question is to ask ourselves why...
usually it isn't them... but us. you. me. and it really reveals our security behind all these...

Ps Ed's preaching yesterday about changing our disappointment to destiny comes to mind. how timely really.

oh well... like they all say... everything in excess may not be a good thing..

being reflective is good... but sometimes we get too introspective.. too ME-looking. (not windows ME edition.. haha :P )we look towards ourselves, our own circumstance, our own 'objectivity' which actually becomes a little skewed on long periods of time.

i guess im thankful for individuals around me in church and CF who are people i can share pretty honestly.. which means they are very few of them. cuz it takes quite abit for me to share deeply.

Thank you all. you know who you are really. ;)

though, there's always that barrier at the far back end of our minds whether to share everything, and be truely true. i guess all of us have a confidante in God yea? He sees the true true true you, and like what sunday school kids are taught, He knows you better than yourself. See??? cliches return their impact in our lives when it becomes truth.. experientially in our hearts...



oh well.
my last msn chat of the year 2006 last night...
it was really about this...

it's with friends like these who do put things on a wider perspective, and point the obvious thing we should do..

"and thats why friends are rather secondary. friendships in church could be essential but i think we shd be more focus on God Himself. He'll provide the friends we need."

thank you. you know who u are... i guess when our focus is right on Him, everything else really fades to the background, and He will really be the only one that's pushing us to live on this life. this harsh world where futility, frustration and disappointement are the norm. press on yea? hope that the friends He sends you will be friends that will be with you despite our own insecurities, with past friendships...

oh well.. of course, living out our life in such a way is still gonna be a journey.


oh wells. shout-outs for 2006...
there are too many of you... or rather, i got alot of things to thank each of you. so it will take up too much here.

so, oh well.. i'd rather thank you personally... ;P