parny

hahaha... though of course some, i don't get it...

ian... i'm sure you'll love this...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES
(LOVERS OF WORDS):


I wondered why the baseball was
getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care
where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose
whole left side was cut off? He's
all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's
round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the
meat grinder and got a little behind
in his work.

To write with a broken
pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they
sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped
from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar
got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet
cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden
could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers
because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in
Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with
the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her
theory of earthquakes was
on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given
out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for
a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought
tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone;
it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit
flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that
counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road:
poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist
you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a
new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine
shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry
it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery
machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor
in France, resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt
if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia:
The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he
couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory
which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their
britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping
center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge,
you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands
of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes
on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are
subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

A lot of money is tainted:
'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.