love Him = obey Him

last few nights were one of those where you are sooo tired, and exhausted. And you plonk yourself on the bed, and find that you cannot sleep.

so many issues.
so many thoughts.
so many burdens.
and one big thing which makes me sigh alot.

recently i had grappled with my feelings regarding something or someone. it was the same old cycle, and wadeva wadeva. confusion, ecstacy, etc.... all rolled into one. until it abruptly stopped, leaving me to wonder what the heck went wrong. and also at the same time, i felt Him asking me to let this go, for it may be distracting me and might even be an idol in my life.....

but did i?
no.. in fact i was so unwilling to give it up. even when i knew Matthew 11:28-30.
wrestling with Him is never easy. battle of wills. and throughout, i knew it was to test and refine me. to say it was difficult is an understatement.

still going thru this. and sighing.

do i love my God? because The Word says if i love Him, i obey Him. so many in fact.
John 14:15,21,23,24

sigh.

help.

do i love Him?

am i obeying Him?

HELP.

SIGH.